Thursday, 12 January 2012
The Coming Second - a nightmare scenario
Such Small Portions: Hello Such Small Portions from 2006.
Such Small Portions from 2006: Hello Such Small Portions. How are you?
SSPF2006: Sorry, how am I?
SSP: Yeah, not bad thanks.
SSPF2006: Did that rash clear up?
SSP: Let's talk about that later.
SSPF2006: Yeah, all right, no problem, it's just that...
SSP: Look, aren't you going to ask me about Spurs?
SSPF2006: Well, hang on, I might want to start with my wife, my kids, their health, their welfare, how did they do in their exams, are we all still happy together...
SSPF2006: Ha, just messing with ya. So, go on, how are we doing?
SSP: Well, in the season 2011/12, we have just finished above Chelsea...
SSPF2006: You're kidding?!
SSP: Above Arsenal...
SSPF2006: Oh thank the Lord for that.
SSP: Above Liverpool...
SSPF2006: Well, duh.
SSP: And... above Man Utd.
SSPF2006: We won the league!
SSP: No, we didn't. We came second...
SSPF2006: But that's not possible. How can? Who can? What can?
SSP: ...to Man City
SSPFF2006: Oh come on. I'm prepared to go with the time travel thing, with you/me existing in two different places at the same time, or two different times at the same place or whatever. I'm even prepared to believe that rash cleared up. But Man City?! We finished above all of The Big Four...
SSP: *Makes aggressive 'wrong answer' buzzer noise* No such thing anymore.
SSPF2006: Okay: We finished above Man Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool, and we still didn't win the league? Because of Man City?
SSP: Well, it's true I'm afraid.
SSPF2006: Whatever. You'll be telling me next that Simon Cowell's gay
SSP: Ah, awkward, I'm SSP from 2012, you want SSP from 2013 for that gag.
SSPF2006: Oops, sorry.
SSP: One more thing, you've got six years to think of a punchline, or at least an elegant ending for this little skit.
SSPF2006: Six years; punchline; elegant; got ya.