Saturday, 14 May 2011
Tottenham's season about to Kop it
There's a classic episode in Porridge in which Godber has been paid to throw an inter-wing boxing match. But so has his opponent.
The bell goes for the first round, they dance round each other for a few seconds, then simultaneously reach out with a tentative jab - and both collapse in a heap as soon as they feel any contact.
And so we come to the Europa League Play-Off. Which, coincidentally, is an anagram of Tallest Dwarf Competition.
Now, I want us to win on Sunday. I want us to win every game we play. I want us to finish as high as possible. I want us to qualify for the Europa League. And I want us to win the Europa League.
Well, if we don't qualify, I have to admit, I won't be kicking the cat. Possibly giving the gerbil a hard stare, but that's about it.
Also, I don't think we deserve to finish 6th. We've been shocking. And maybe finishing the season with absolutely nothing to show for it will, I don't know, bring things to a head, make a point.... Bring what things to a head? Dunno. What point? Not sure.
Then again, Harry doesn't seem to want the Europa League anyway, so perhaps the king of spin and his media cronies will hail seventh as a tactical masterstroke.
Anyway, we're going to lose, obviously. Liverpool are in great form, they're on a high after King Kenny walked across water to sign his new contract, they've already bought big, they'll have no close-season worries about losing star players - and they're even laughing all the way to the bank after Torres' first little spell at Chelsea.
We, on the other hand, are patched-up, pissed-off and ready for a tense summer of 'Luka Who's Talking to Man Utd' headlines.
Now, who are Everton playing?...