Saturday, 23 April 2011

Baggies! Baggies! Baggies! Rout! Rout! Rout!*

Fixtures don't come much friendlier than West Bromwich Albion at home. It's a labrador of a match.

They're not properly northern, not especially industrial, not gritty, not chippy or spiky. Say their name out loud. It even sounds nice, doesn't it? Barely a hard consonant to be heard. A mellifluous whisper like a lovely cool breeze on this sultry spring day.

They have no particularly nasty bastard players to fear, no all-elbows centre forwards to snatch something from a set-piece and no ankle-biting midfielders to disrupt our pretty patterns. Even their manager seems a nice old codger.

But if West Brom are Gizmo, then Spurs are water. Add us and the cuddly little gremlin bares its teeth and becomes a right menacing little bastard. Just when you think a team's going to roll over and let us tickle its tummy, it sinks its teeth into our ankle, or, more appositely, our Achilles heel

After the blood and thunder of Wednesday night (which we're now officially labeling two points dropped), I would estimate that around 68 per cent of all Spurs fans, at some time in the next 24 hours, texted a fellow sufferer with the message, 'Of course, we'll lose to West Brom'.

But here's an idea, let's not. If Bale is injured, let's play Lennon on the right (please God, the right), ask Van der Vaart to play left (I would say 'tell Van der Vaart to play left', but I think ask/hope is probably all we can do) and stick two up front. And let's make one of them Defoe.

Otherwise, if it's, say, VdV and Crouch, there's a danger we end up actually playing with one big lad up front and knocking it long. And this is West Brom at home, for fuck sake.

C'mon, the sun is shining, we're playing a team called Albion on St George's day. We could actually enjoy this. This could be.... what's the word I'm searching for.... fun!

Let's ruffle their hair, thank them for coming, tell them they did ever so well and say we hope that fifth goal didn't hurt too much because, well, we didn't want to make a fuss at the time but we thought we saw a little tear in their eye at that point. Never mind, they've really very brave and their coach/mum will be along to pick them up in a minute. Bye! Bye!

1-1. Obviously.

* Oh come on, that's a pretty fucking good headline, right?

1 comment:

  1. Forget the headline, I can't believe you got 'mellifluous' into the piece!

    3 - 0 to Spurs, I reckon...