Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Our next manager...

We don't know for certain that Harry's going to get the England job next summer.

We do know, however, the the situation will be vacant after the Euros (or before if England don't qualify) and that he his hot favourite to take over. We also know that if he is offered it, he'd take it.

And let's face it, if he's not offered it, he'll have to have fucked up so spectacularly that we'd probably be looking to get rid anyway.

So, with all that in mind, hopefully it's not too rude to start considering who our next manager might be, what effect he might have on our squad and whether or not we might just land the big one. Or, in fact, The Special One: Jose Mourinho.

Two big questions: Do we want him? Would he come?

The answer to the first is entirely subjective, but I'd welcome him.

Contrarily, though, I'm not a fan. When he came to the Premier League, the media fell head over heels for the swarthy little bastard and a lot of fans thought he was 'a breath of fresh air'. I thought he was an obnoxious, pretentious, arrogant sod.

I hated the way he talked in those clipped sentences, which he obviously thought imbued everything he said with incredible wisdom and gravitas. The sentences weren't clipped and gnomic because he's foreign, it was because he could only spare us a limited number of words. An actual conversation would have been too human, so he would utter a few phrases and it was our job to listen carefully, think hard then come to the conclusion that he was a genius.

And as for his preening, self-aggrandising struts up the touchline... Perhaps he's only leaving Madrid because there simply aren't enough mirrors to go round for him and Ronaldo to share.

But, he was a fucking great manager for Chelsea. They'd spent a shit load before he arrived, remember. They spent a shit load even before Abramovich arrived, remember. But they couldn't quite seal the deal as far as the league title was concerned. They lacked a certain something.

Chelsea's success may have been built with hundreds of millions of pounds that they never earned and will never pay back, but it was their superstar manager who cut the ribbon and declared them open for titles.

Clubs' psyches are deeply engrained. Players and managers change many times over decades, but most clubs remain essentially the same. Or at least they display the same characteristics, just in different degrees in different leagues.

It takes something seismic to shift them. To be fair, Arsene Wenger did it for Arsenal. And Mourinho did it for Chelsea. He made them winners.

He might just do the same for us.

Because, bear with me, what if Redknapp isn't that great a coach? What if we've actually got the best squad since the '60s, or at least the mid-'80s and, ridiculous as it sounds, it's actually under performing? What if, galvanised and organised by the best manager of the modern era, this collection of players could actually do more - could actually will the league?

What if someone thoroughly decisive with decent budget but even more impressive clout and pull in the transfer market could make the one, two or three personnel moves necessary to take that last step? That someone sounds like Mourinho, doesn't it? He could be our seismic shift.

So, would he come? Well, probably not. He'd certainly have other options:

Man Utd
Only if Fergie goes, and I heard a journo on the radio the other day saying he was looking at 'another five years at least'. And even if he did go, would Jose fancy a job where the best he could do was continue what someone else has done? He has to be the hero. And there's nothing heroic about being Dick Sargent to Fergie's Dick York (it's honestly just a happy coincidence that this analogy makes them both a couple of Dicks)

Man City
There'll be a vacancy, that seems certain. And Mourinho will be their top target and I'd say this seems his most likely destination. The parallels with the Chelsea job are obvious, but maybe, just maybe, Jose knows that if he does clinch the title for City, he won't be able to take all the credit.

Again, there looks likely to be a vacancy. But can he patch things up with the retarded-looking Russian? And is it ever wise to go back?

Would have been a front-runner, but they won't sack Dalglish and he seems to want the job long term.

Nah, Wenger will be allowed to continue his interminable bloody 'project' for a while yet, probably until the main injury threat to his 'young team' is arthritis.

Which leaves little old us. Could we, perhaps, appeal to his ego? If he won the league for Spurs after a gap of over 50 years we'd be renaming roads so quick GPS systems couldn't keep up.

It would eclipse Porto's Champions League win as his greatest achievement.

Winning the title with us is just about possible but undeniably epic. Failure would come with no blame and absolutely no shame. Success would bring garlands and statues beyond imagination. And Jose would love that, right?

Or Owen Coyle. Whatever.


  1. Hmmm, the big question.
    A man who openly says he has feelings for the club and players (not us, Chelski still)
    A man who likes a big salary and a big team of stars.

    Can't see it, and not sure I actually want it.

    Very mixed feelings on this one.

  2. Tend to agree with Simon to some extent, but wouldn't he see Spurs as a downward step after Real (78k v 36k peeps)? - didn't the Russian eject him due to his cautious play? Wouldn't fit in with Spurs traditions methinks - but then with the Premiership trophy in the cupboard, what would Levy/Lewis demand as teh price for Spurs?

  3. There are arguments against, absolutely. And as I say, I have never fallen for his 'charms'.

    I do think he might be the difference, though, and I do think it's a challenge that fits his messianic self-image...

  4. Harry keeps going on about that bloke from Dagenham & Redbridge. Let's try for him. Sounds like a wheeler-dealer. Which Harry is absolutely emphatically not.

  5. He did didn't he?! On Goals on Sunday. Must be his agent...