Sorry, there are no jokes, no swears and no revelations; just the depressing mathematical detail of a truth that's almost as obvious as it is dispiriting. But...
The 14 players Chelsea fielded last night cost nearly a quarter of a billion pounds.
That's an average of £16.5m - which is just chump change away from our record signing.
Amongst that 14 were two 'freebies' – Terry and Cole, who between them probably get about a quarter of a million a week. So, well, there's free and then there's free.
Take them out of the equation and the average transfer fee paid (on those who commanded transfer fees) was pretty much £20m.
They're in a different league, basically. Only, sadly, they're not.
Also, like it says over there on the right, please at least consider following Such Small Portions on Twitter - @spurs_ssp