Friday, 4 February 2011

We need to talk about Kevin Davies*

Bloody good side, Bolton.

Kevin Davies only exists to score against us.

Johan Elmander's suddenly not as shit as we all thought he was.

Daniel Sturridge? Fucking genius - and him getting a last minute winner will make all Chelsea fans feel smug. Sorry, smugger.

That Chung-Yong Lee looks genuinely excellent.

Gary Cahill's basically a £20m defender who no one's paid £20m for.

Jesus Christ they're the black pudding Barcelona.

This always happens. Whoever we're playing suddenly take on super-human qualities. When they're playing Chelsea, Arsenal, Man City or whoever, they look essentially like cannon fodder. Or the Washington Generals, the team that used to lose routinely to the Harlem Globetrotters.

(Do you know, they once went on a 2,499 game losing streak. They won game number 2,500 100-99 with a three pointer in overtime. Also, after a 12 year break they returned to face the Globetrotters again in 2007. They lost. Does anyone know if you could bet on these games?)

But when they/whoever pop up on our fixture list I can't see a weak link. Just 11 world-beaters and a draw if we're lucky.

That's just me though, honestly. Most normal people (and Mark Lawrenson on the BBC Sport website) seem to think we'll be fine.

Time for Jermaine to find his scoring boots. Make it easy, make it early and make it comfortable. Allow us to settle back and enjoy one for a change. Please.

Right then, Gentlemen, to bed, for tomorrow we head to the Bell & Hare for 12-12:30.

* Thanks very much

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