Friday, 28 January 2011

Things I do that definitely help Spurs win

Okay, the scenario here is that I'm not at the game and I'm not up the pub.

When I'm at the game, I'm kind of stuck in my seat. I can't really go into any rituals to see the boys over the line. I just have to grimace and bear it.

Up the pub, my only tactic is maybe going to the toilet with a couple of minutes left if we're winning by one goal. You can usually hear from in there when the final whistle goes, and, yes, now and again there's been an odd look when my sigh of relief has been exponentially heavy in comparison to the strength of jet. Shouting 'get in' and angling for a hug is an absolute no-no.

So, this is me at home and us one up, with 10 minutes or less to go.

1) Walk round my kitchen
A basic one this. Not too energetic. Wouldn't actually get ridiculed if caught doing it. It just seems so wrong to sit or even stand still when there's so much at stake. And walking round the kitchen seems slightly more sane than walking round the front room.

It has the possibility of purpose. You can look in the fridge, say. Or get a glass of water. Feed the cat, maybe. Anything other than pay full attention to the game. I remember clocking up some serious miles during the 4-4 draw with Chelsea.

2) Star jumps/press ups
Ratcheting it up a notch. The idea, I guess, is to do something physical, something I can do on my own, that will pass a few minutes. Oh stop it.

It's a distraction, basically. A way of forcing the mind not to actually blow. Sort of like counting sheep, only a thousand times more ridiculous. It also makes me feel that at least I'm doing something. To just sit and watch would be lazy, and inviting trouble. The lads would appreciate it, I know they would.

3) Turn the TV off
Quite an extreme one, this. It's more panic than tactic. Did it first against West Ham in that game we won 4-3 at Upton Park. The one where Tevez scored his first goal for them. They went 2-0 up and were 3-2 up (thanks to Bobby Zamora) with five minutes to go.

We equalised more or less on 90 minutes with a Berbatov free kick. I was so shocked I turned the TV off. And no, that sentence doesn't make much sense. I just figured it would make the game over. Not getting any better, is it?

I thought, well that's got to do us. Let's not be greedy. And if I stopped watching, they'd stop playing (I'm sure there's some deep philosophical argument based around something like this theory, but that's not what I was referencing at the time).

After a quick walk round the kitchen and 20 star jumps, I decided to compromise, I'd leave the TV off and turn the radio on. "And Stalteri scores to win it 4-3 for Spurs". Paul Stalteri. Now, tell me that wasn't down to me. It can't have been down to Paul fucking Stalteri, can it?

The same method was applied in the recent Arsenal game. Only there was too long to leave it off till the end. So I kept sneaking it back on. Then off. Then back on. The moment when the TV sort of springs to life and you look for that score in the top left hand corner, fucking hell. It worked again, though.

Yes it did. Don't look like that. What do you do for fuck sake?

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