Sunday, 30 January 2011

Talking out of their Arse


Another bit of re-appropriation from a previous virtual life shared with m'colleage (and fellow season ticket holder), Ronnie Dungan.

I know there's not exactly a national shortage, but do you fancy another reason to loathe Arsenal and in particular their unique brand of chi-chi supporters/apologists? Of course you do. Okay, well, you will blush, you will seethe and you may well vomit when you read what an actual journalist (and Arsenal fan) in a proper national newspaper wrote a few years back about Thierry Henry:

'...banally, Thierry Henry stopped a ball going out of play. But the way he did it, the style with which he stopped, then captured, then redeployed the ball, made me gasp...I had achieved de-evolution, the merging of the individual into the ecstatic mass.'

You wouldn't want to be sitting next to him, would you? Especially at the moment when he 'achieved devolution', even with wipe-clean seats.

For the record the guilty party was Tim Lott, and the organ was The Independent.

And from those same pages, here's some equally staggering guff by Nick Coleman:

'A fantastic thing occurs at the Highbury Library when Thierry Henry sees killing space to run into and - whether he has the ball or not - just takes off and goes. It's a kind of judder, a hard, neural ripple...

'And within three-quarters of a second the whole joint is transformed from a library into a weird conflation of bacchanal and chantry, in which Gooner and arriviste, spotty Herbert and hormonal Henrietta, turn to one another and experience the football equivalent of the joy of spiritual oneness.

'As a spectacle, Henry running fast and purposefully has come to define a specific kind of beauty for me - beauty as a dynamic, supple thing to do with the relationship between space and time: things happening all at once, spontaneously, in a semi-chaotic, semi-organised fugue of separate but interconnected micro-events - but all of it stimulated by the exercise of one will and its tool, a singular body...'

The world 'tool' is key, I feel.

That week, 'Pseuds Corner' had to be extended to make room for both these fools. And renamed 'Cunts Corner', obviously.

News from this decade will follow shortly.

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